Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
