Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
