we have pet lesbian snakes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
