So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
