We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
