I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
