Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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