just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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