If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and she was petting her beer can
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
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