What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
