oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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