i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
