Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
