he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
