official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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