last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
