Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
