If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
