i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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