so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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