My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
