Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
