i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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