How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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