Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
