words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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