do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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