i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
