11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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