Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
even my farts smell like vagina
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Randomize
