i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
