How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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