they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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