Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
