I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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