I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
