The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
