got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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