Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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