Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
