Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
