Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
