I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
