I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
