Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
