This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
