I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
