Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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