dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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