If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
