She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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