I love black thongs
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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